"My Journey" Continued

The book literally fell off the shelf and landed at my feet. No one else was around; I hadn't touched the shelf. It was a sign. I of course checked the book out of the library.

The book turned out to be the memoirs of a woman who met and studied with G.I. Gurdjieff in the early decades of the 20th Century. I had never heard of this man or of the metaphysical movement that surrounded him. The woman's story was fascinating, all about what it was like to study with a spiritual teacher -- the dialogues, the challenges, the realizations. This was my true introduction to esotericism.

Again, I was being prepared, though at that time I had no idea for what.

I was, however, responding to the leadings I felt had been coming to me over the past several years: my reading of C.S. Lewis' Surprised by Joy and the other theologians I had studied at Lone Mountain College, my experiences with Christian Science, with Jack Schwarz, and even with the Hare Krishna parade through Golden Gate Park. I felt so strongly led, and I interpreted this the best I could, as something to do with religion. Could it be that I was being called to the ministry?

I was still quite active with the Religious Society of Friends at that time, and had even been appointed as an interim clerk of the San Francisco Friends Meeting for three months. The clerk was as close to a minister as this branch of Quakers came; he or she chaired the business meetings and otherwise attended to the official activities of the Meeting. There were, of course, no sermons to preach.

Nonetheless, there was a man on the faculty of the Pacific School of Religion (PSR), across the Bay in Berkeley, who was a Quaker. One of the members of the San Francisco Meeting knew him, and at my request arranged for me to have a talk with him. PSR was an interdenominational Christian seminary, operating under the umbrella of the Graduate Theological Union of the University of California, Berkeley.

How could I study for the ministry? Accustomed as I was to the uplifting silent meetings for worship of the Friends, how could I give sermons or perform rituals? I couldn't picture myself as a minister -- I didn't know exactly how this would play out.

Then one day as I was wandering happily through the woods of Golden Gate Park, I met a young "hippie" couple. We chatted for a bit, and somehow the conversation turned toward the meaning of life. I still recall leaning against a tree, engaged in intense, deep conversation with them.

It was another sign; I was sure of it. I was being called to enter the seminary. I had no idea what I would do with this education. But I trusted that if I made this move, the leadings would continue and I would come to see what I was to do next.

So I left my editing job at U.C. San Francisco and that autumn enrolled in the Master of Divinity program at PSR.