The End of One Journey, the Beginning of Another -- Part 2

What I heard Mr. Mills saying -- both aloud to those in the room, and also silently, direct to my heart -- was (I'm paraphrasing): Your searching, and your spiritual pain, are over. You don't have to seek that which you have never lost. And how can you lose what you are? Infinity is right here, right now, and It is All, thus It is your True Identity.

I didn't speak directly with Mr. Mills during the open house. When it ended, I began to walk through the neighborhood, up and down the hills of Berkeley, past lovely homes and gardens.

My mind seemed totally still in a way I had never experienced before -- completely without thoughts. And as I walked, my life up until that day seemed to be streaming away down the hill behind me. Somehow I knew that I had just stepped over the threshold into a new life, and that my "old life" was gone. The vivid sensation could have been almost frightening, except somehow I also knew that all was well. I felt very excited by the prospect of what I could not yet see.

Then, bubbling up out of the profound stillness came a few small thoughts, one at a time: "But what about school?" "But what about money?" And as each thought popped up, a melodious voice from somewhere said, "So what?" "So what?" And the small thoughts subsided. I guess that this could be described as having been thrust totally into "Now," so that any questions about the future seemed irrelevant.

Finally, my walk took me back around near Mr. Mills' apartment and PSR. And there was Joseph, heading toward the campus. He stopped, looked at me, and with some wonderment said, "What has happened to you? Your face looks totally changed!" I said to him, "Joseph, I have only one question. If I'm not going to die (which seemed to me a possibility, since I had just been given The Answer), then what am I to do? How can I be of service to the world?" He didn't know what to say; he just gave me a big hug.

It was difficult for me to return to the dormitory, for school was part of my "old life." I felt slightly discombobulated -- without the former established direction, it seemed hard to know just what to do. I needed some practice, I guess, in being totally "in the Now." I was supposed to go to a church gathering that afternoon, but I just couldn't go.

Finally, not knowing what else to do, I walked back to Mr. Mills' apartment and simply stood outside the door. Joseph had been visiting, and when he came out and found me standing there, he took me inside to meet Mr. Mills in person. The first thing I said to him was, "I feel brand new!"

And so, my new journey had begun.