What Was It Like?

It has been said, "When the student is ready, the Teacher appears." After meeting Kenneth G. Mills, I felt that everything that had happened to me in California was a preparation for finding him: The introduction to Christian Science, which was part of his background as well; learning a bit about esotericism, so that I more easily understood some of the references in his lectures; and especially the decision to enter PSR, which got me to "the right place at the right time" in order to meet him. And there was no question for me but that he was to be my spiritual mentor.

That type of serendipity continued as I followed my new path. I took a leave of absence from PSR, but never returned there. A year later, I moved to Tucson, Arizona, after Dr. Mills bought a home there, so I could continue studying with him. Along the way, I learned editing skills, and had always enjoyed writing, so these became my livelihood. After six years in Tucson, I moved again, this time to the New York metro area. From there, I drove to Toronto with other mentees each weekend to see him.

What was it like to have Dr. Mills as a mentor?

He was energetic beyond belief, like a lightning bolt caught seemingly in a human form. He was fierce; he was funny. He was sharp, unerring in his intuition. He was always surprising, yet always constant in his Standpoint.

He was passionate, compassionate, fiery, gentle. He was contagiously enthusiastic and always encouraging. He was elegant, and drew out the finest in whomever he met. His love was unfailing, unshakeable, and huge.

He was always real -- he "walked his talk," and his talk was Cosmic in its scope. He was profound; he was soaring. He was courageous; he was humble.

In his spontaneity, he was obedient, always, to his God-Being.

As for me, I was (and still am!) madly in love with him. I was in love with his love, and with the experience of Infinity that he opened. I often felt shy and awkward in his powerful presence, yet at the same time strongly motivated to let go of the personal and stand as the Self. Some of my bad habits (resentment, self-deprecation) gradually melted away. It was so easy to want to try harder, do better, while all the time realizing the truth of the Bible verse, "I of myself can do nothing; 'tis the Father (or, as Dr. Mills would say, "the Wonder of the Invisible") that doeth the work."

Dr. Mills was the quintessential model. At the same time, he always appreciated and drew out what was each one's authentic and unique expression of the Self. Being with him demanded self-examination, honesty, obedience, willingness to change and drop what was not suitable to a child of God. The work was not easy, but the rewards were immense.

I learned; I grew. I stumbled and fumbled -- and sometimes flew. That taste of flight, of true freedom from human delusion, was food like no other.

Dr. Mills' love, his wisdom, the understanding I had gained from him, carried me through emergency surgery for a detached retina, through the deaths of my parents, through bouts of deep depression that had dogged me for most of my life. Others who were mentees of his became my dear friends, and they too supported me, and I them, at times of trouble and challenge.

Dr. Mills passed in October of 2004. The grief I felt was excruciating, as though a piece of myself had been torn away. All that he gave me, and so many others, is still very much present, though. And I carry with me the Standpoint he showed us and the powerful experiences that come from viewing -- and living -- "out from the Star."

It was time to begin another new path. And in some ways I had come "full circle;" I was ordained as a minister after all.

Though what Dr. Mills gave was not for everyone, his gifts to me and thousands of others are invaluable. His wisdom is now an aspect of my spiritual being, and I am forever grateful for the privilege of being guided by him. My prayer is always that I may "pay forward" what he gave and bless many others as he blessed me.