Should You Write an "Ethical Will"?

Before a person dies, he usually writes some sort of will, leaving his various material and financial assets to family, friends, charity or to "posterity." But another type of asset can be tragically lost forever with a person's passing -- the nonmaterial gains from a lifetime of experience.

I think it can be said that just about everyone has this type of wealth to bequeath. And this is where the "ethical will" comes in. This document hands on a person's values and beliefs. It states what has been most important to him, what star he has used to guide the ship of his life.

An ethical will can include stories of those happenings which were most crucial in forming or changing the course of one's life. Here, too, go descriptions of the lessons learned from various life experiences. The stories can also relate those events when the writer stood up for his values.

Conversely, the will can tell of regrets, of moments when values were not held strongly enough. It can offer advice to those who come after. And it can express the writer's gratitude.

Writing an ethical will is an opportunity for reflection on the meaning of life, so religious and spiritual values often play a large part in the manuscript. The writer might also muse about those things he will miss when he is gone, and can communicate his hopes for the future of those who receive the will.

An ethical will thus provides a priceless snapshot of all that was best about a person. But it doesn't necessarily have to be written only at the end of a lifetime. Any major transition can prompt its composition: the birth of a child, diagnosis of (or recovery from) a serious illness, retirement or other milestone. And the will can certainly be altered and added to as the lifetime continues.

An ethical will can be as simple as handwriting on a single piece of paper or as elaborate as a video or audio production.

Barry K. Baines, MD, an expert on end-of-life care, has written a book entitled Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper (Perseus Publishing, 2002). He is one of the pioneers in the field of ethical wills, and I credit his work for the birth of my own interest in this practice.

I highly recommend taking a few hours to settle into stillness and consider what values, beliefs, advice, and celebration you might wish to express in such a document. It's a most rewarding exercise for yourself as well as for those who may live after you.